So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
