What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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