our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
