he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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