You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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