and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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