just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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