did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
