New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
