i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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