I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
