Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
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No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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