Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize