there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
