Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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