I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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