the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
