I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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