So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
