dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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