i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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