i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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