bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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