you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
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i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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