I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
