maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
