So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
