Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
