I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
