I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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