I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
