We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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