i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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