I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
