So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize