Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
