I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
