What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
FUCK WHALES
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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