but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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