got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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