Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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