I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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