im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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