At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Less talking, more tequila
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
