I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
