My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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