I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
