I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I am available for nakedness
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
