Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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