If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
