lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
