In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
