it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
