He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
