Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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