I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
