Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
