tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
