My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
