marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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