Non-Jews are for practice
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
