Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
