He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
