im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
as a side note pls kill me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
