Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
My cat gives me a boner
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
