I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Randomize
