Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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