Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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