Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
