all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
