Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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