Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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