I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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