Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
