i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize