she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
