I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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