Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
