My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
