I haven't been this sober since birth.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
try to milk me bitch
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