escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
