i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
