Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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