how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
