I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
