Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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