I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
