sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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