The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
