Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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