I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
