before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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