Quick, to the slutcave!
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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