watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
