i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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